Awards season typically unfolds in one of two fashions; predictably or, um, unpredictably. And in a year when the pickings are as slim as Isabelle Caro’s arms and quality cinema sticks out just as much as her ribs (pa-POW, two too-soons in a row!), it remains the sole responsibility for the Hollywood Foreign Press-Whores Association to stir things up as best as they can.
In what can be viewed as perhaps the most hilariously out-of-touch years for the HFPA, 2010 ended up reaffirming what everyone already knew to be true; the Association is nothing more than a large group of aging (and annoyingly sentimental) gays whose only purpose is to be entirely unsurprising in their overly-gracious ‘recognition’ of an undeserving Hollywood elite, festering their own delirious attempts at ousting the Oscars as the King (who am I kidding…Queen) of all awards shows. I mean, did anyone aside from the cultured gay sub-community actually see Burlesque or The Tourist? Both films are nominated in the Comedic Picture categories more than once, baffling both mainstream critics, bloggers, and generally anyone with a pair of eyes, the ability to sit through Burlesque, and their impending (undoubtedly viscious) negative response to it. One theory suggests that producers and publicists for the film actually carted large portions of the HFPA away on vacation and sent each and every one of them a gift basket that included the film on pre-release DVD. Apparently one such member of the HFPA was insulted enough by receiving a copy of Cher’s Immobile Face from the film’s publicity department that he shot Ronni Chasen. But who could blame him? Self defense is entirely understandable, and receiving a copy of that film can certainly be considered an attack on one’s safety.
And I guess the point I’m trying to arrive at is that the Comedic categories of the Globes seem only to serve the purpose of promoting that one ‘good’ Comedy, the ‘offbeat’ critics’ darling that no one really saw. This year that film would undoubtedly be The Kids Are All Right, literally a drama yet holed into the comedic category in an attempt at inclusivity that ends up alienating more than encompassing due to the category’s lack of serious legitimacy audiences have learned to regard such a subdivision with. I mean, it just looks comical to have one of the most progressive, impactful, socially-relevant, and emotionally-touching portraits of a contemporary family nominated next to a film that celebrates superficiality and cattiness. I’m looking at you again, Burlesque.
But enough of my usual pre-telecast bitching, I’ll let the nominees speak for themselves. Peep my predictions for the impending snoozefest below:
Best Motion Picture – Drama
Black Swan (2010) – Predicted Winner
The Fighter (2010)
The King’s Speech (2010)
The Social Network (2010)
The HFPA seems to have gravitated towards Arronofsky’s body of work more quickly than the AMPAS, and for that I genuinely give them credit. Their flair for unabashed theatrics and true melodrama (artful, skilled melodrama, not the cliché kind) incline me to believe Black Swan will undoubtedly take the cake here, seeing as the massive amounts of buzz surrounding the picture have literally quadrupled in intensity since the film’s release has gone wider and wider.
Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
Alice in Wonderland (2010)
The Kids Are All Right (2010) – Predicted Winner
The Tourist (2010)
Do I even need to explain?
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
My hope is that the AMPAS takes note of the HFPA’s insistence on nominating smaller pictures with little to no mainstream support this year, seeing as Blue Valentine contains a truly career-defining performance that will undoubtedly go down as Gosling’s best. I’m not sure if he or Franco can muster the votes to pull off a win in the category (Wahlberg’s in the same boat as well) seeing as the performances don’t have enough critical backing, and Eisenberg’s performance is nothing more than a tack-on to the far too long list of things The Social Network has been decorated with simply because it’s currently socially relevant (but will soon disappear like the fad its subject material is), so the only reasonable outcome I can see here is that the HFPA award Firth a win.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama
Jennifer Lawrence’s buzz got a little exciting there, didn’t it? I thought she was a shoe-in for Best Actress at the upcoming Oscars, but the sheer intensity of the categorical race this late in the game could shut her out entirely, seeing as Hollywood Elite actresses have all but erased her from critical leaderboards with their names alone. I have such a hard time believing Frankie and Alice was seen by the entire HFPA let alone Berry’s performance being good enough to warrant a nomination, but I guess we’ll never know considering the film has yet to see substantial (and backed) commercial release. I’m in love with Williams’ recognition, however, seeing as her performance is hands-down the most painful and moving of the year. It’ll come down to a battle of whose name is bigger, however, with Kidman likely to edge out Portman.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
I swear to god the jokers in the HFPA look through the year’s resumes for Hollywood Elite and pick the one categorical film that actor did and nominated it simply because the industry produced nothing more substantial during the year. I have no idea where to even begin speculation surrounding these men, considering the awards season buzz for each and every single one of these performances has been literally nonexistent even after these nominees were announced. I’m assuming Depp’s votes will split, but then again the other performances nominated have little critical backing and would look ridiculous on the HFPA’s hands. I’m truly stumped on this one, so I’ll give it to “the name” because I have no idea who else to suspect.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy
The words “Angelina Jolie” and “comedy” simply don’t go together, and even she (speaking at the premiere of the film she’s nominated for here) mocked her inclusion in the category earlier last year. I’m truly glad to see Emma Stone get some recognition for a performance that actually fits within the typical standards of what one might consider a truly skilled “Comedic” performance. If it were up to me, Stone would win based on legitimately being apart of the only real ‘comedy’ within this list of nominees, but Bening will win in order to cement the HFPA’s credibility when she wins her Oscar later this year.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Best Director – Motion Picture
Best Screenplay – Motion Picture
Best Original Song – Motion Picture
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010): Carrie Underwood, David Hodges, Hillary Lindsey(“There’s A Place For Us”)
Best Original Score – Motion Picture
Best Animated Film
Despicable Me (2010)
How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
The Illusionist (2010)
Toy Story 3 (2010) – Predicted Winner
Best Foreign Language Film
Biutiful (2010)(Mexico/Spain) – Predicted Winner
The Concert (2009)(France)
The Edge (2010)(Russia)
I Am Love (2009)(Italy)
In a Better World (2010)(Denmark)
Best Television Series – Drama
“Boardwalk Empire” (2009) – Predicted Winner
“The Good Wife” (2009)
“Mad Men” (2007)
“The Walking Dead” (2010)
Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy
“The Big Bang Theory” (2007)
“The Big C” (2010)
“Modern Family” (2009) – Predicted Winner
“Nurse Jackie” (2009)
“30 Rock” (2006)
Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
“The Pacific” (2010)
“The Pillars of the Earth” (2010)
Temple Grandin (2010) (TV) – Predicted Winner
You Don’t Know Jack (2010) (TV)
Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television
Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy
Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama
Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television